Paula Deen didn’t manage to squeeze a single real tear out, despite desperately scrunching her features into what I lovingly call “cry face”.

Paula…enroll in acting school.  A good acting instructor will inform you that when embodying a pretty emotional role, one must invest in one’s given circumstances wholly.  That is the most one can do.  Invoking “cry face” makes you look like an amateur.  Or phony.  Wait, “phony”?  Yes, phony. Hm.